Friday 31 July 2015

Satin Island



It would be hard to talk about Satin Island without referring to a bunch of its influences (and even in the acknowledgments, author Tom McCarthy states that it “contains hundreds of borrowings, echoes, remixes and straight repetitions” and invites the “critical reader” to “entertain him- or herself tracking them down”), but I don't think I would personally find that entertaining. After finishing this (happily brief) postmodernist work I was left with the question: Considering that James Joyce was groundbreaking a hundred years ago, do we need another Joyce today? Are (post)modern readers hungering for Ulysses-lite? This is the first title I've read from the 2015 Man Booker Prize longlist, and as I noted last year, the jury for my erstwhile most favourite literary prize seems to have developed a preference for those books that solely impress their own lofty establishment, and if Satin Island is typical of the list, it feels disdainful of me, your average reader. 

As Satin Island opens, our narrator (“Call me U.” – so Melville! So Kafka!) is stuck at the Turin airport (not Turin, you fool, the airport is in Torino-Caselle as I've told you repeatedly), and he spends his hours surfing the internet and watching the multiple television screens in the lounge, and as he becomes fascinated by the recurring images of an oil spill, a Middle East market bombing, a football match, and the death of a parachutist that dominate the news cycle, his mind tries to find connections between these disparate events. Because that's what he does: U is an Anthropologist who works for the Company – extrapolating market trends from generic incidents – who is tasked with writing the Great Report (a synthesis of all of his discoveries that will perfectly encapsulate our times). Because U's mind is always seeking these connections, we spend most of the book inside his head, following his theories wherever they may lead.

In his life back in London, U works in a subterranean office beside the building's noisy and elephantine HVAC system and is instrumental in launching a secret supranational Project that will change the lives of everyone on the planet, without anyone even noticing. His only friend is dying of cancer (which spreads darkly beneath his skin like an oil spill), he has a casual sexual relationship with a woman (who is evasive about the time that she was also once stuck at the Torino-Caselle airport), and his dreams seem more real to him than does his waking life.

Just as Turin's airport (wherever it may be located) is considered a hub instead of a proper destination, U discovers that we spend our lives living in such an in-between place: our minds like a buffering screen on a computer that prevents our consciousness from overtaking our experiences. When he is sent to NYC for a conference and has an opportunity to visit Staten Island (a dreamland corruption of which provides the title and makes U think that he's on the brink of discovery), he demurs, concluding:

To go to Staten Island – actually go there – would have been profoundly meaningless...Not to go there was, of course, profoundly meaningless as well. And so I found myself, as I waded back through the relentless stream of people, struggling just to stay in the same place, suspended between two types of meaninglessness. Did I choose the right one? I don't know.
And there, dear readers, is the answer; the Big Project; the Great Report; the answer to life, the universe, and everything. 

Self-referential and Easter Egg rich, Satin Island is obviously clever, even for the non-critical reader. Themes echo and re-echo – twins and negatives and mirrors – and I could almost believe that U was an actual anthropologist based on his references to academic studies and literature. I enjoyed his philosophical puzzle of a murdered skydiver: If one could say that the diver was murdered at the moment his parachute's cords were severed, was he already, technically dead for the days or weeks that followed until he made his fateful jump? Or, conversely, when U's friend Petr eventually succumbed to his cancer and his wife texted the fact to all of the contacts in Petr's phone, did Petr therefore achieve a type of immortality, communicating as he was from beyond the veil? But then, not to get too bogged down in boring old philosophy, U purposefully misuses the trope of Schrodinger's Cat and another character references Nietzsche, but then can't decide if the story was actually about him or Kierkegaard or Schopenhauer...or whoever. 

Satin Island isn't a hard book to read, but I have no doubt that much of it went over my head, where it will need to remain. I was obviously not the ideal audience for this book, and to be fair, I'm not a particular fan of David Foster Wallace or Don DeLillo; universally acclaimed authors that I've seen mentioned in the same breath as Tom McCarthy. As McCarthy is also known as an artiste-provocateur, perhaps it would be more fitting to say that he's writing for the antiestablishment elite, but that's not me either.




I'm not saying that McCarthy isn't a very talented writer and I was enchanted by many individual scenes, such as the following:

The ventilation system. This deserves a book all of its own. The air-handling unit was housed in the basement with me -- a series of grey boxes joined to one another like parts of a mechanical elephant, a sheet metal supply-duct curling upwards from the front box forming its raised trunk. The coils, blowers, dampers, filters and so on that made up the boxes' entrails transmitted a constant hum and rattle that permeated the whole floor, mutating in pitch and frequency as the sound negotiated corners, bounced off walls, was sponged up and squeezed out again by carpets. Before it left the basement, the duct forked, then branched out further, the new branch-ducts leading to diffusers, grilles and registers that, in turn, fed air onwards to other floors, before return-ducts carried it back down again, along a central plenum, to the rectum of the elephant, to be re-filtered, re-damped, re-coiled, then trumpeted back out into the building once again. Sometimes, when someone on a higher floor spoke loudly while they happened to be standing next to a return-vent, their words carried to the space in which I found myself, like the voice of a ship's captain sending orders through a speaking tube down to the engine rooms -- orders, though, whose content became scrambled, lost in delivery. Other, vaguer voices hovered in the general noise -- or if not voices, at least patterns, with their ridges and their troughs, their repetition frequencies, their cadences and codas. Sometimes these patterns took on visual forms, like those that so enchanted eighteenth-century scientists when they scattered salt on Chladni plates and, exposing these to various acoustic stimuli, observed the intricate designs that ensued -- geometric and symmetrical and so generally perfect that they seemed to betray a universal structure lurking beneath nature's surface, only now beginning to seep through; and I, too, in my basement, sometimes thought I saw, moving in ripples on the surface of a long-cold coffee cup or in the close-up choreography of dust-flecks jumping on an unwiped tabletop, or even on the fleshy insides of my own drooped eyelids, the plan, formula, solution -- not only to the problem with which I was currently grappling, but to it all, the whole caboodle -- before, waking with a jolt, I watched it all evaporate, like salt in a quiet breeze.


Man Booker Longlist 2015:

Anne Enright  - The Green Road 
Laila Lalami  - The Moor's Account 
Tom McCarthy  - Satin Island 
Chigozie Obioma  - The Fishermen 
Andrew O’Hagan - The Illuminations 
Marilynne Robinso - Lila 
Anuradha Roy - Sleeping on Jupiter
Sunjeev Sahota  - The Year of the Runaways 
Anna Smaill - The Chimes 
Anne Tyler  - A Spool of Blue Thread 
Hanya Yanagihara  - A Little Life 

I was really pleased that A Brief History of Seven Killings took the prize; even more pleased that it didn't go to A Little Life as seemed inevitable.


Thursday 30 July 2015

Monkey Beach



God knows what the crows are trying to say. La'es– go down to the bottom of the ocean, to get snagged in the bottom, like a halibut hook stuck on the ocean floor; a boat sinking, coming to rest on the bottom. The seiner sank? Mom and Dad are in danger if they go on a boat? I should go after him? I used to think that if I could talk to the spirit world, I'd get some answers. Ha bloody ha. I wish the dead would just come out and say what they mean instead of being so passive-aggressive about the whole thing.
Monkey Beach is a very dream-like book; a story of talking crows and premonitions and a little girl who can talk with the dead. Set in the near-wilds of the northern B.C. Coast, in the heart of Kitamaat Village (the townsite of the traditional lands of the Haisla First Nation), the connection between people and nature – and the blurred lines between this world and the next – makes it seem entirely possible that you might hear the Stone Man whistling for his dogs or catch sight of a B'gwus (Sasquatch) disappearing into the woods. It is also a story of family and despair and the struggle that Natives have to straddle the competing worlds of tradition and progress.

As the book begins, Lisamarie has recently returned to Kitamaat Village and receives news that her younger brother Jimmy – off on a commercial fishing boat for the first time – is missing; the boat presumed lost. As her parents fly off to be closer to the search, Lisa flounders, and as she decides what she can do to help, her mind bounces around her memories, eventually filling in her own fascinating history and that of her family. Of particular interest are her Uncle Mick (a former radical with the American Indian Movement) and her grandmother – Ma-ma-oo – who teaches Lisa about gathering berries and traditional medicines, but who also loves to watch Dynasty and hisses advice to Krystal and Alexis.

Lisa's childhood as a hard-fighting, back-talking tomboy is gripping (Uncle Mick calls her “Monster”), but especially so because she often gets a visit from a phantom red-haired man in the middle of the night before trouble strikes; Lisa has special gifts that bring clarity and foreboding to the plot. Even so, even if it's to deal with the gifts she didn't ask for, it's uncomfortable to watch Lisa make bad choices – smoking and drinking and going to raucous parties with her peers from grade seven on – and this view of Reserve life is one I don't think I've seen before: Although some mention is made of the Residential Schools and their terrible legacy, Lisa's parents hadn't attended one, and by all accounts, they are loving and protective and hopeful for their children's futures; so how does Lisa become so lost when her family is watching over her? Coming out of seemingly nowhere, no one but Lisa herself is to blame. It is especially distressing when Lisa eventually decides to take off (true, after suffering some tragedies) and she makes her way to Vancouver's Lower East Side: just like when I read Birdie, I wish there was some clue here about what sends these vulnerable young women right into the heart of danger. 

The writing in Monkey Beach has such an earthy energy; author Eden Robinson blends myth and reality in a thoroughly modern style, repeatedly capturing the essence of the Haisla people and their place in the changing world. I enjoyed the writing most when Robinson was describing hidden places:

Headstones carved into eagles, blackfish, ravens, beavers appear seemingly at random. In the time of the great dying, whole families were buried in one plot. Pick wild blueberries when you're hungry, let the tart taste sink into your tongue, followed by the sharp sweetness that store-bought berries lack, realize that the plumpest berries are over the graves.
Sometimes, however, Robinson dwelt on small facts for too long – as with the fishing for oolichan and rendering them into grease – and the digressions would stall the plot. And although I found these insertions a bit frustrating at the time, I decided afterwards that if Robinson hadn't recorded this traditional knowledge in her novel, it might as well have died with Ma-ma-oo and I'm richer in the end for having learned about it. Also, Robinson inserted some modernist passages (about the structure of the heart and the mechanics of heart disease) that felt unnecessarily artsy until the final, eerie passage: 
Remove yourself from the next sound you hear, the breathing that isn't your own. It glides beneath the bushes like someone's shadow, a creature with no bones, no arms or legs, a rolling, shifting worm-shaped thing that hugs the darkness. It wraps its pale body around yours and feeds. Push yourself away when your vision dims. Ignore the confused, painful contractions in your chest as your heart trip-hammers to life, struggles to pump blood. Ignore the tingling sensations and weakness in your arms and legs, which make you want to lie down and never get up.
Monkey Beach is a very absorbing read, and as it addresses many of the topics that I find most interesting, it hit all the right notes for me. I will happily seek out Eden Robinson's other works.



I'm really not a tinfoil-hatted cryptozoologist -- when Lisa in Monkey Beach talks about Sasquatches, I don't necessarily take that literally -- but I did have a boyfriend once from the interior of BC, and he told me that everyone he knew believed in Sasquatches; anyone who hadn't seen one firsthand at least knew someone else who had.

In Glen's story, a friend (or friend of a friend) was spending his first summer as a logger way out in the bush. As he was working away one day, chainsawing down some old growth forest, something came down hard on the top of his head; a blow that he would later learn had dented his hard hat. As this friend fell to the ground, he turned to see what hit him, and as he did, he saw a large hairy man striding off into the woods. He knew that he had seen a Sasquatch, and that this creature disapproved of him cutting down his trees, and when he had the strength to get moving, he walked back to base camp and quit.

Glen told me this story with 100% sincerity, and even if I don't quite buy it, I do believe that Glen did. And according to Glen, everyone in BC has a story like this.

For what it's worth.

Tuesday 28 July 2015

Tunesday : More Than I Can Say


More Than I Can Say

(Allison, Jerry/Curtis, Sonny) Performed by Leo Sayer

Oh oh yea yea

I love you more than I can say 
I'll love you twice as much tomorrow
Oh love you more than I can say 

Oh oh yea yea

I miss you ev'ry single day 
Why must my life be filled with sorrow 
Oh love you more than I can say 

Don't you know I need you so 
Tell me please I gotta know 
Do you mean to make me cry 
Am I just another guy 

Oh oh yea yea

I miss you more than I can say
Why must my life be filled with sorrow 
Oh love you more than I can say 

Oh don't you know I need you so 
So tell me please I gotta know 
Do you mean to make me cry 
Am I just another guy 

Oh oh yea yea

I love you more than I can say 
I'll love you twice as much tomorrow 
Oh love you more than I can say 

I love you more than I can say 
I love you more than I can say (more than I can say)

I love you twice as much tomorrow (more than I can say)
I love you twice as much tomorrow

(More than I can say) I love you more than I can say
(More than I can say) I love you more than words can say yeah



When I was in grade six or seven, I got a Fred Flinstone-head-shaped a.m. radio for Christmas and I went to sleep every night with it under my pillow, listening to the Top 40 hits on Toronto's 1050 CHUM radio station. Long before Much Music or MTV made music a visual artform, a relatively unattractive singer like Leo Sayer was able to imprint on my mind what romantic really sounds like and More Than I Can Say was definitely one of my early favourites (followed closely by his When I Need You, but that wasn't still on the Top 40 by the time I was sleeping with Fred.)

Writing about some old friends last week, I mentioned that Timmy was my elementary school boyfriend and I may as well spill the beans on him. I believe our on-again/off-again "romance" started in grade four. Timmy had someone pass me a note that said, "Will you go with me?" I was startled -- where did this come from? -- and I decided to play dumb and answered, "Go where?" Timmy replied with, "You know, will you GO WITH ME?" Feeling pressured, like I had no time to decide whether or not I even liked Timmy like that, yet also happy to have been asked, this time I replied, "Yes".

Timmy was always the tallest boy in the class and he had dark hair and a nice face; I wish I had a picture to remember him by now. Were his eyes brown or blue? He was athletic and popular, and what I remember most about him, was that he was a talented artist, able to draw amazing likenesses even at our young age. I once wrote here about how our grade six teacher parachuted me in as a candidate in a mock election we were having, and Timmy worked hard as my campaign manager; we were a good team.

Back to grade four. Sometimes, Timmy and I would hold hands at recess, but it obviously wasn't like dating -- we were 10 or so, and we didn't talk on the phone or even spend many recesses together. One day, some older kids spread the word that "couples" were invited to meet by this huge oak tree that was right on the edge of school property, and Timmy and I went to check it out. These big kids said that it was a kissing tree, and they would keep a watch out for teachers for anyone who wanted to go kiss behind it. Timmy and I shrugged and took our turn, kissing until we were told our time was up; more going through the motions of kissing than feeling compelled to keep at it. This would have been my first kiss, but being so young, it's hard to say that it counts (but I totally thought of it whenever Leo Sayer came on the radio...oh oh yea yea). One day, the big kids told us that real couples rolled around on the ground while they kissed, so we did that too, but it was really just a game to us. 

Timmy and I would be going out or not going out over the next few years, and whenever we weren't "together", neither of us was with anyone else either. In the story I wrote about last week (where I was sitting at Timmy's desk and nearly left him a regrettable note), we must have been in an "on-again" period because he was on vacation in Bermuda at the time and he brought me back a shell choker. I loved that necklace -- it was just so cool (during the era of Bo Derek's 10) -- and it came as a big surprise: Jewellery! From a boy! Still, even though we were older now, you couldn't have called this "dating" as we never saw each other -- or even talked to each other -- outside of school. I do remember a dance at the end of grade seven, and maybe necking during Stairway to Heaven at the end of the night, but then it was summer and I had to wait until September before I saw Timmy again; decide then if we were still on-again.

But Timmy didn't come back. Over the summer Timmy was transferred to a different school for bullying another boy in our class, and as the bullying only happened on their school bus, this was all a big shock to me. I want to insert another story here: The bullying victim, Paul, was a runty little freckle-faced redhead (and I say that as a redhead; as the big sister of another bullied runty little freckle-faced redheaded boy) who, while definitely not one of the popular boys, was always manic; always hanging with the popular boys and trying to impress them with jokes and gags; including trying to impress Timmy. Once, in grade six, during an indoor lunch hour when it was raining outside, and with the teacher stepped out, and with the class going a little bit stir crazy, Paul pulled down my track pants and ran off screaming in laughter. This was the only time this had ever happened to me, and it was also the only time that I was, for some reason, wearing nylons instead of underwear. What are the odds? The nylons made the pants slide easily to my knees, which I immediately pulled back up, and even though they had a dark coloured panty area, I have no idea what anyone might have seen in that split second of exposure. That was horrifying for me, and when I heard that Paul had been the victim of years of bullying, I'm afraid I wasn't very sympathetic; I may not have heard of karma at twelve-years-old, but I understood the feeling of cosmic justice.

So Timmy wasn't around for our last year of elementary school, but through a stroke of fate, we went to his new school to take shop and home ec in grade eight. As I was a thoroughly 70s product, I was one of several girls who demanded to be able to take wood shop. Sometimes I would see Timmy in the halls of this school and it would give me a jolt; sometimes I would see his name written in pencil on the bottom of projects that were left to dry in the shop and I would run my fingers over his work, sighing that we were being kept apart. We were star-crossed like Romeo and Juliet, oh oh yea yea.

Near the end of grade eight, Timmy got word to me (through some of the guys in our class) that he would be allowed to come to our graduation but not stay for the dance, and he wanted me to meet with him. I was kind of nervous to see him again; it was pretty awkward that the last time we were face to face had involved kissing and then nothing for a year. But with this message coming through the guy-to-guy grapevine, I got the impression that Timmy had something important to say to me.

On the evening of grad, there was a ceremony, and awards and diplomas were given out, and then parents went home and the kids left the gym while the teachers cleared the chairs for our dance. I felt really nervous, and even though Timmy kept trying to catch my eye, I played dumb, like I couldn't see him. Eventually, once we were away from teachers and parents, Timmy was able to block me, and asking Cora if he could talk to me privately, he led me away, to behind one of the portables. I was just so nervous, not able to look Timmy in the eye, and finally blurted out, "Okay, here we are. What do you want?"

Timmy moved in real close and said, "I just want you to kiss me."

We were no longer 10-year-olds, this was not the kissing tree, and with an elementary school diploma in my possession, I didn't feel like a little kid any more. This didn't feel like playing. I hadn't talked to Timmy in a year. I said, "And what if I don't feel like kissing you?" But I did. I hadn't ever kissed anyone else and it had been a year.

Timmy put his face beside mine and said, "Then maybe I'll kiss you anyway."

"Then maybe I'll scream." Isn't that what girls were supposed to say? I still wanted to kiss Timmy, but I wasn't going to be forced into it, and I started to look around to see if there was anyone near enough to even hear me if I did scream.

At that exact moment, my big brother Ken came walking around the corner of the portable. He would have been out juvenile delinquenting somewhere -- he certainly hadn't been at my graduation earlier -- and he took one look at the situation and said, "Everything okay here?"

I said, "Yep, I was just going in to the dance. Good seeing you again Timmy. Take care." 

And that was my first love. We were in high school together the following September, and I don't remember talking to him even once. We moved to Alberta the next year, and of course, I never saw Timmy again. What must it be like to live in one place for your whole life? To happen to bump into your first love; to smile and blush and remember the kissing tree as you watch him pulling into McDonald's with his family? 

Oh oh yea yea




Monday 27 July 2015

Lunar Attractions



I suppose this is how we grow up: by learning that even implacable principles are in contention. One day the world is fixed forever, without cause, effect, or mitigation. We respond naïvely and mythically: clusters of stars tell obvious stories (only a cynic could doubt the design in Orion's Belt); seasons arrive and depart by grace alone; disease and death are bestowed as punishments. Miniature people inhabit our radios, and everything in the world, living and dead, possesses a soul. Then suddenly the spontaneity deserts us. We embrace new authorities – books and teachers, movies and friends – we become transmitters. We learn of light-years and vacuum tubes, sound waves and psychology. We push back the borders of permissible innocence.
Lunar Attractions is the story of David Greenwood – a tubby, dreamy, out-of-place child – and in several short story-like episodes, we watch him grow into a tubby, dreamy, out-of-place adolescent. David spends his early years in central Florida – nowhere near the ocean and orange groves; this is swamps and intestinal worms and estivating mudfish lurking beneath the sandy soil – where his Yankee parents (that's his word, although I'm skeptical about it as a descriptor for a European Mom and a French Canadian Dad) are too old and too foreign to secure David's place in society. Tormented by his white trash teacher for his early reading skills and his left-handedness, David retreats into private study, where he fills his head with facts and trivia (later dismissed as “wise-idiocy” by a white trash psychologist.) With a doting mother and a pugnacious father, David is pulled in opposing directions, never quite fitting in anywhere.

David is saved by a move to the “nearly North” of Ohio when he reached high school, where he finds a group of other cerebral and oddball kids to hang out with. This is apparently the part of the book for which Lunar Attractions is most famous. I was led to this title by this article about a publishing company that has rereleased underappreciated Canadian books; an article in which Barbara Kay says that “Lunar Attractions is superb (and, by the way, contains the most aesthetically deft explicit sex scene I have ever read).” I really thought that was a parenthetical comment until I read on the back of the book this blurb from The National Review : “The most ferocious and astonishing scene of adolescent sexual first contact ever written: in English: in fiction.” While this scene is astonishing, as well as pivotal for David's character, it likely had more impact when this book was first released in 1980.

Lunar Attractions reads like a Saul Bellow or Mordecai Richler novel: a fairly detached examination of the post-WWII Montreal-Jewish-male-now-living-outside-Canada experience; rich with the dirty underbelly of the American Dream and its inaccessibility for those who aren't quite American enough. Author Clark Blaise is a Canadian-American and this book isn't quite Can-con, although I understand that he was considered an important Canadian voice when it was written (before he decamped for the States for good). As a proud Canadian, I laughed at David's reaction to discovering that he had dual Canadian and American citizenship as well:

The idea had thrilled me, like learning I'd been adopted or had a sister somewhere. And the fact that I was something unplaceable, Canadian, and not something more easily identifiable had appealed powerfully to me. No one knew what it meant. Something very close but still different; the essence of mystery. I felt like a spy, a shadow, someone with a secret identity.
David's constant scrutiny of his identity and his feelings of dislocation make for a very masculine story, and like Herzog or The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, I could appreciate the art of what was written without really being able to identify with the story itself (and conversely, I would understand if men didn't get as much out of Marian Engel's Bear as I did). Four stars for the art of this, and the final scene:

The music came back louder than ever and I found myself clutching the same door frame for support until the spasms passed and then I ran far from the parked cars to lie in the grass under the sun and to wait for the god to invade my blood.


I didn't want to spoiler the goodreads review with anything specific about that pivotal sex scene, but want to remember David's reaction here (be forewarned...)

"You know, you look just like your brother now."
 
I hadn't meant to humour her -- I'd meant it, I think, in the spirit of madness to which I was also party; I meant, in essence, there is no difference between us except degree of criminality, which meant degrees of boldness. Never could I have imagined such acting out; never could I have demanded such obedience from the rest of the world. She lay still on the floor. She, in the process of rising, him...I walked home greatly relieved that we, the two sexes, were not so different after all. I imagined that the girls in school all wore different kinds of balls or rubber devices in their bras, which accounted for the different effects they gained. It was merely a social expectation that dictated the choice of sex; after a certain age, those who'd been told they were boys finally were given a suit and tie. Soon they were rewarded with the need to shave. And those who'd been raised to become women started stuffing their chest with rounded objects and wearing dresses and makeup. It was only primitive women, like the ones in Natural Geographic, who grew them naturally. And, I must have thought, with my fat and ever-pink nipples, too bad they hadn't decided I should be a girl. Probably I would have done better at that, and without too many props.


Sunday 26 July 2015

Before I Go to Sleep



Before I Go to Sleep opens promisingly: A woman wakes up in a strange bedroom, beside some old guy, and wonders what kind of party she must have been at the night before to have left with this grey-haired, paunchy dude. She sneaks to the bathroom, and as she goes to wash her hands, she realises that she doesn't recognise them – the bulging veins and crepey skin – and when she looks in the mirror, she's horrified to see that her face is aged and worn looking; at least twenty years older than she thinks she is. Then she notices the pictures taped around the mirror – pictures of herself with the guy from the bed at various ages – and with the labels attached to them, must accept that she has somehow lost twenty years of her life. The old guy, Ben, explains that he's her husband, she was in an amnesia-inducing accident twenty years earlier, and every morning he needs to remind her of these facts. Christine appreciates the enormity of the responsibility her husband has taken on for her, but when he leaves for work, she gets a phone call from a man who says that he's her doctor and that he wants to meet with her in secret. When they do meet, the doctor returns a journal that Christine had been keeping for the past couple of weeks and he urges her to read it. On the first page, in large letters in her own handwriting, it says: DON'T TRUST BEN.

That's a pretty exciting opening, right? Unfortunately, the rest of the book doesn't fulfill this early promise. The part immediately following the DON'T TRUST BEN is meant to be a transcription of the journal that Christine kept, and the most unforgivable aspect of this longest section of the book is that it isn't written in journal form, but like a regular novel with long exposition and chunks of dialogue. Even if, as it is revealed, Christie had been an aspiring novelist before her accident, no way does anyone keep a journal like this, with so much pointless minutiae, and especially when the whole thing is meant to be read each day so that Christine can preserve her memories, even if only on paper. Every day she records the confusion and fear upon waking, Ben's calm explanations, him leaving for work, Dr. Nash calling to remind her of the hidden journal, and then her experience of reading it before writing about what new happened that day – and this Groundhog Day-type repetition gets boring: yes, I get it, this happens the same way every day. 

Because Christine is able to remind herself every morning (through her journal) what Ben has told her about her history, she begins to find holes and inconsistencies in his stories. And it is interesting to see her trying to figure things out – sometimes distrusting Ben, sometimes convincing herself that he must be under a lot of pressure to protect her from unhappy memories – and if you turn off your brain to the implausibility of the twists and turns, a reader can be successfully compelled to keep reading (at least to find out if the twists will eventually lead to where you're guessing they will). 

The third section of the book happens after Christine has read the entire journal – up to the point where she had been prompted to write the DON'T TRUST BEN warning – and the plausibility factor totally plummets. In the end (and I don't consider this to be a spoiler, but maybe another would...skip the rest of this sentence if you want to be sure), Christine has the entire truth of her history revealed to her, she has begun to generate some new memories, and she has no idea if all of this will be wiped out as she is about to fall asleep once more. The end. 

I picked up this book after reading S. J. Watson's second novel, Second Life, which I didn't really like, and reading in its reviews that people loved Before I Go to Sleep. To me, both books suffer from the same flaws: I don't particularly buy into novels that are written by men but from a woman's point-of-view (and especially with the themes of these books); both have totally implausible plotlines; and both have unresolved endings. Along the way, Watson is a fine writer – I didn't make note of any mindblowingly insightful passages nor any mindnumbingly dreadful ones – and in a Dan-Brown-kind-of-way, I'm sure he'll enjoy a loyal fan base. However, I can't see me giving him another chance. As an interesting coda, there was an article this week about a man with a similar case of amnesia: every day he wakes up thinking that it's March 14, 2005 and that he needs to go to his dentist appointment (the place where he likely experienced whatever event it was that caused his amnesia). I found the facts of this man's actual experience to be much more compelling than the potboiler that Watson invented.




Friday 24 July 2015

The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating


I listened carefully. I could hear it eating. The sound was of someone very small munching celery continuously. I watched, transfixed, as over the course of an hour the snail meticulously ate an entire purple petal for supper.
When my daughter was in grade nine, her science class was given an interesting project: Go out and collect live snails, samples of the soil and vegetation around where they were found, and bring it all back to make terrariums in 2 litre pop bottles. Kennedy was able to find two snails – which she named Machete and Satans Dissipple (after some misspelled graffiti she spotted on her snail hunt) – and, like the rest of her class, she made her mini-ecosystem and watched to see which setups allowed the snails to thrive, and which led to dead snails. I must admit that I was blasé about the fate of the snails – after all, in the name of science, Kennedy would dissect a fetal pig the next year – but after reading The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating, dangit, I don't think I can be indifferent to the fate of snails anymore.

In this book, author Elizabeth Tova Bailey recounts a year in which she was bedbound by a mysterious illness. With barely the energy to turn herself over, Bailey was utterly unable to care for herself, and was obliged to relocate from her beloved old farmhouse to a room with stark white walls and a window too high to see out of. Understimulated, but unable to even visit with friends without becoming exhausted, Bailey was intrigued when one such visitor brought her an inspired gift: a pot of wild violets with a single snail tucked under a leaf. Watching the snail go about its business was soothing for Bailey, who now found her long sickbed hours more sufferable. 

Time unused and only endured still vanishes, as if time itself is starving, and each day is swallowed whole, leaving no crumbs, no memory, no trace at all.
Before long, Bailey had educated herself on the needs of her snail and a proper terrarium and diet were provided for it. This book is filled with Bailey's observations of the snail (she was even fortunate enough to discover it had laid eggs which then hatched into 100+ tiny snails à la Charlotte's Web), her experience with illness, and observations on how making this connection to a member of the natural world had allowed Bailey to feel reconnected to the world at large. As the book was written long after the year she was bedridden, Bailey was able to add in the many facts and anecdotes from science and literature that she eventually discovered, and her fascination with the tiny mollusks is certainly contagious. (These hermaphrodites shoot love darts at each other as part of their mating ritual?) 
struck by a
raindrop, snail
closes up

– Yosa Buson (1716-1783)
Bailey's illness has lasted, to varying degrees of debilitation, for decades – what started as a viral infection and flu-like symptoms eventually led to chronic fatigue syndrome, a condition I don't really know anything about, but which Bailey defines as “a post-infectious condition that involves permanently reduced blood volume, autonomic disorders, and genes that have been deactivated”, and perhaps linked to tick-borne encephalitis (like West Nile or Lyme Disease) – and it's truly frightening to think that this could happen to any of us, at any time. But despite the medical mystery and the sensitively recorded snail observations, The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating isn't a very deep book, and at 170 small pages, it just feels slight (it doesn't compare favourably to, say, The Soul of an Octopus for instance). I enjoyed what I read, but was left wanting more.

In the end, Bailey released her snail, and its offspring, back into the wild, and although she does give instructions on how to make your own terrarium, she would prefer you observe snails in their native habitat. And I'm happy to report that both Machete and Satans Dissipple survived their days in captivity and were also set free once more.

At the moment, we humans are lucky to coinhabit the earth with mollusks, even if we are a recent presence in their much longer history. I hope the terrestrial snails, secreted away in their burrows by day across the earth's vast landscapes, will continue their mysterious lives, gliding slowly and gracefully through the night, millions of years into the future.

Thursday 23 July 2015

The Memory Keeper's Daughter



I picked up The Memory Keeper's Daughter at a book sale – seeing it there with the familiar cover, I recognised it as one of those books that everyone seems to have read, and with a decently high rating on goodreads, I marvelled that I hadn't read this book before; pleased to have added it to my purchase pile. At some point in this long life, I'm going to realise that being popular doesn't mean that a book is good. The Memory Keeper's Daughter just isn't very good, and at nearly 400 pages, it was with great impatience that I slogged through its overblown prose and inane plot. There will be spoilers ahead as I get specific.

The book begins with a sweet romance: love at first sight and a whirlwind courtship, within a year of meeting, David and Norah are married and expecting their first child. When Norah goes into labour during a freak snowstorm that prevents them from reaching the hospital, David, an orthopedic surgeon, is forced to deliver the baby himself at his clinic, with only the help of his nurse, Caroline. A beautiful boy, Paul, is delivered without incident, but then unexpectedly, another baby is coming: a baby girl who displays all the signs of Down's Syndrome. As this is 1964, standard procedure at the time was for such babies to be sent off to institutions to live out their short and pointless lives, and as David wanted to spare his wife the pain of watching their daughter eventually die, he sends the baby off with Caroline. When Norah comes around from her anesthetic, David tells her that there had been a second baby, but that she had been stillborn. What David doesn't know is that once Caroline arrived at the bleak institution and appraised its facilities, she decided to keep the little girl and raise her by herself in another city. This opening was intriguing and well written, but it's all downhill from here.

Much later in the book, when musing on his secret West Virginia upbringing, David thinks:

There was in the mountains, and perhaps in the world at large, a theory of compensation that held that for everything given something else was immediately and visibly taken away. Well, you've got the looks even if your cousin did get the smarts.Compliments, seductive as flowers, thorny with their opposites: Yes, you may be smart but you sure are ugly; You may look nice but you didn't get a brain. Compensation; balance in the universe.
The book is told from four alternating points of view, and I think that this idea of yin-yang/balance/twinning was the central theme that author Kim Edwards was trying to explore, but it all just became so heavy-handed, repeated in all the different voices. David's younger sister died of a heart defect as a child, so he feared his daughter, Phoebe, would have the heart problems associated with Down's Syndrome – but where one died, the other lives; thrives even. David is disappointed that Paul, with his height and natural athleticism, won't play basketball, but as Phoebe grows, she loves shooting hoops on her driveway (and this fact is explored, over and over). Norah – who allowed herself to get tied down as a housewife – has a younger sister, Bree, who gets to live out all the Baby Boomer stereotypes (war protesting, free love, and eventually, Bree embraces the greed-is-good 80s). David and Caroline – the only two who share the secret that Phoebe lives – both have spouses who travel and are often away, but only one of the wandering spouses is unfaithful. And over and over, characters become aware of the interconnectedness of life, Norah through motherhood:
Slowly, slowly, as Paul nursed, as the light faded, she grew calm, became again that wide tranquil river, accepting the world and carrying it easily on its currents. Outside, the grass was growing slowly and silently; the egg sacs of spiders were bursting open; the wings of birds were pulsing in flight.This is sacred, she found herself thinking, connected through the child in her arms and the child in the earth to everything that lived and ever had.
David, through his unlikely transformation into a critically acclaimed photographer (“Memory Keeper” was the brand name of his first camera):
I'm doing a whole perception series, images of the body that look like something else. Sometimes I think the entire world is contained within each living person.
And Paul through his classical guitar playing:
Music is like you touch the pulse of the world. Music is always happening, and sometimes you get to touch it for a while, and when you do you know that everything's connected to everything else.
And if the repetition of these big themes isn't annoying enough, small details are repeated and repeated: everyone has secrets and a yearning for freedom that builds “stone walls” between them; being upset makes people think they have a stone in their throats (and all of these stone metaphors, along with David and Paul collecting rocks and fossils together, probably has something to do with David's sense of shame over his father's dirt poor existence as a crook-backed miner); all babies have hands like starfish; everyone's shoulder blades are “delicate and sharp, like wings”; there are numerous wasps and trains and broken bones; and repeatedly musical notes are thought to become visible as they float through the air.

And then there are logical problems, like when Norah thinks, Had she been alone, even once, since Paul was born? But just a few pages earlier, Norah mused, Twice in the last month alone she'd hired a babysitter for Paul and left the house. That doesn't count as being alone? Or, would it really be possible for David to change his name based on a typo on his college admission forms (and become a doctor under the wrong name? Become married?) I didn't keep track of more of these inconsistencies, but they're in there. There are also countless, pointless mini-melodramas: a flirtation with alcoholism that goes nowhere; a fear of teenaged pregnancy that goes nowhere; a cancer scare that adds up to nothing; infidelity that's shrugged off. Most bizarrely is the late addition of a new character – a pregnant teenaged runaway that David wants to rescue – who adds absolutely nothing to the story but makes me want to insist: Can we never again have a character named “Rosemary” in a book with “memory” in the title? Pretty please you wacky Iowa Writer's Group authors?

In an afterword, Edwards states that the genesis of this book was a story that was told to her about a man who didn't realise that he had had a twin with Down's Syndrome until long after the twin had died in an institution. That would be an interesting story to explore, but so was what she did set up: how does a family get over the loss of a baby, especially when one of the parents knows that the baby never died? That is interesting, but it's not what Edwards wrote. In The Memory Keeper's Daughter, no one ever gets over anything, no one ever talks to each other, and it's frustrating to watch these unlikeable characters stewing in their own misery. Caroline is likeable as she fights the school board and the community to accept Phoebe, and I did appreciate some of what Caroline had to go through. But would a nurse in the 1970s, seeing that Phoebe was having a lethal allergic reaction, really turn to her panicking mother and say, “Are you sure you want me to get the doctor?” (Which has an echo later when it's revealed that David's family once overheard a grief-stricken mother say that God should have taken his sickly sister instead of her own healthy son. All the parallels, yeesh.) And speaking of unlikely prejudice, would Paul (who is supposed to be just a few years older than I am) repeatedly refer to Phoebe as “retarded” once he learns about her? This was in 1989, and I know I wouldn't have used that word then. Phoebe's journey could have been much more interesting if she wasn't just a cardboard bit player; not just there so that Paul can realise that he, who had every advantage, wasn't nearly as happy as his twin, who had to struggle for everything (and I think I've seen that movie and it was called Rain Man).

On top of all of that unexceptional plot, I just didn't like the writing. 

For an instant, before the others turned, before Howard raised the bottle of wine and slid it into her hands, their eyes met. It was a moment real to only the two of them, something that could not be proven later, an instant of communion subject to whatever the future would impose. But it was real: the darkness of his eyes, his face and hers opening in pleasure and promise, the world crashing around them like the surf.
But...The Memory Keeper's Daughter is certainly a popular book, and if you like any of these quotes, you might like the whole thing. 'Twas not for me.


Tuesday 21 July 2015

Tunesday : Echo Beach


Echo Beach

(Gane, Mark) Performed by Martha and the Muffins

I know it's out of fashion
And a trifle uncool
But I can't help it
I'm a romantic fool
It's a habit of mine
To watch the sun go down
On Echo Beach, I watch the sun go down

From nine to five, I have to spend my time at work
My job is very boring, I'm an office clerk
The only thing that helps me pass the time away
Is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach someday

On a silent summer evening
The sky's alive with lights
A building in the distance
Surrealistic sight
On Echo Beach
Waves make the only sound
On Echo Beach
There's not a soul around

From nine to five, I have to spend my time at work
My job is very boring, I'm an office clerk
The only thing that helps me pass the time away
Is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach someday

Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time
Echo Beach, far away in time



Echo Beach is another song that I first heard on The New Music; another song that I always hoped they would play as I babysat on a Friday night. We bought a cheap compilation CD when the girls were little (titled something like "Summer Cruisin") and Echo Beach was on it -- not only did Dave and I both have flashbacks of warm nostalgia as those opening chords began to play, but it became a favourite singalong song for the girls, too. Ultimately, I'm putting it here because of all that, but also so I can talk about another childhood friend of mine: Becky.

I did mention Becky not that long ago, here, in a reflection on my friends in Stouffville, and as I wrote then, Becky lived just outside of town in the tiny resortish village of Musselman's Lake (like Echo Beach, get it?). Their home was more cottage than house -- like I said before, it reminded me of a Hobbit hole -- but that was its charm. Becky and her sister shared a tiny bedroom, and when I would sleep over there, it would be on the floor between their twin beds; just enough room for my stretched-out body. The home had one more bedroom, a tiny bathroom, a family room just big enough for a couch, one chair, a wood burning stove and a TV (the only decoration I remember -- other than plants suspended by macrame hangers -- was one of those framed posters that said, "If you love something, set it free: if it comes back, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was"), and a decent-sized kitchen that was built off the back. Meals were usually eaten at an outdoor picnic table when the weather was fine. Although they lived just blocks from the lake, I don't remember ever going there to swim, but we did go to the concession stand at the beach for french fries and Popsicles.

Becky's parents were total hippies -- her Mom was a big lady who dressed in flowing gypsy-like skirts and peasant blouses and her Dad was a skinny little guy with long hair and a beard -- and they were always lovely to me. I remember they drove a Subaru -- probably the only one I've ever been in -- and when my own mother would refuse to drive me out there, Becky's Dad was often willing to come get me. Like I said before, they likely smoked dope (which I never actually saw) and Becky's Dad gave me my first (half) beer when I was way too young for it. Her Mom read tarot cards and they had a Ouija board; there was a very special vibe in their whole home. I once used the Ouija board with Becky and her little sister -- they told me that they were in frequent contact with an entity that had lived in the area a long time ago -- and we definitely seemed to have a conversation with something, but even at the time, I couldn't be sure that it wasn't the girls who were moving the planchette (yes, I googled that word). 

Becky herself was a good friend and hilarious to be around, but there was something definitely dangerous about her. She got breasts very early and they were very big and she wasn't opposed to flaunting them; just walking down the gravel roads out there by the lake, sucking on a Popsicle, Becky oozed sex and I wanted to be a part of that vibe; was afraid of being part of that vibe (we were twelve, thirteen). As I wrote earlier, the Whelan brothers were the only other kids from our class who lived out there, and I half hoped/half feared that we would run into the older boy on one of these walks.

Bernard (pronounced "Bernerd") John was in our class and he was a stocky, quiet kid who liked to read books about WWII and play war games on the playground. His brother -- John Bernard -- was a year older, but had flunked down into our grade at some point; I think it must have been before I started at that school in grade 3. John was lean and wolfish and had the air of a criminal, even in elementary school. I think I've told this story before, but since I can't find it, I'll tell it again: One day in grade 7 we were having an art period, and as this boy Timmy was absent that day, I sat at his desk to be beside my best friend Cora. We were supposed to be colouring something and I opened Timmy's desk to see if he had any pencil crayons, and when he didn't, I wrote him a note that said, "Dear Sir, fuck you. Love, Krista." The facts that should be known about that: Timmy was my on-again, off-again "boyfriend", so he wasn't a random target, and I had never said the f-word out loud or written it down before -- this was to scandalise Cora, and hopefully, make her laugh. She frowned in disappointment at me when I showed her the note, and since I didn't actually have the nerve to leave the note in Timmy's desk, I crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage can before recess; just a failed attempt at blue comedy. Later the same day, John showed me the note that he had retrieved from the garbage, all nicely smoothed out, and told me that he wouldn't show the teacher if I paid him $2/week, probably for the rest of my life. I couldn't do that, told him so, and watched as John marched over to show the note to Mr. Todd, our straight-laced and beloved teacher. I was sent to the Principal's office, and although he informed me that he had every right to give me the strap for this offense, my punishment was to get my mother to sign the note. Doomed, I was. I waited until the last minute before leaving for school the next morning to show it to Mum -- she was, like every morning, still in bed -- and although she promised that we would "be talking about this later, Missy", she did sign the note and I was able to return it to the Principal. He explained that the worst part of my offense was how hurt Mr. Todd's feelings were that I would use that language about him, even in jest, and horrified by the misunderstanding, I made my first attempt at defending myself. I explained about the pencil crayons and trying (and failing) to make Cora laugh, and even though we did all call Mr. Todd "Sir" out of love and respect, the note was for Timmy. And besides, I had thrown out the note, and John had grabbed it, and he tried to blackmail me...As I talked, probably blubbering in my misery, the Principal's face grew very confused and then enlightened, and eventually, John probably did get the strap. And he probably deserved it a hundred times over for deeds seen and unseen -- this kid's fate was written on his forehead even back then. As for me, after having the day to think about the note, my mother was more understanding than I could have hoped for and just talked to me about the need to think before acting.

Between grades 7 and 8, both John and Timmy were transferred to other schools for their years of bullying another boy, Paul. That was totally surreal to the rest of us -- that meetings and decisions between students and school boards could take place over the summer and none of us would know about it until familiar faces were missing from the classroom in September; we in the class had no idea that this bullying had even been happening; it was apparently an on-the-bus-thing -- and although I had sad feelings about Timmy (my "boyfriend") being gone without warning, I was relieved that John was gone too. So, at some point during grade 8, I was out at Musselman's Lake with Becky, walking the gravel roads, sucking on our Popsicles, and we passed John who was leaning against a tree, smoking and coiled as if ready to pounce. He and Becky nodded hellos -- they were neighbours after all -- and John turned to me, and looking me up and down appraisingly, said, "So, it's true what they're saying about you." I did and didn't want to know what he meant by that and it was Becky who asked him the who and the what, and he just leered and said, "It's true is all". I was not one bit attracted to the bad boy, but right on the cusp of my burgeoning sexuality, I was totally confused about whether or not I should be flattered that anyone was talking about me; was worried that hanging with Becky -- who couldn't help but be sexual, with her breasts and her anything-goes homelife -- would mark me as "anything-goes" too. It suddenly felt really dangerous being Becky's friend, and as we were by then only sometimes buddies, we didn't hang out at each other's homes too much after that; by then I understood my mother's warnings about impulsive actions that one later regrets.

My mother didn't like Becky much -- even before she got her breasts -- and she certainly didn't make it easy for us to hang out together. One summer (between grades 4 and 5? Grades 5 and 6?), I got a phone call and it was Glen (a boy from our class) saying that Roger (another boy from our class, and Timmy's best friend) wanted to know if I would be his girlfriend when school started again. I didn't know if I was being teased or not, so I just said I'd think about it (but if Roger had asked me himself, I would have totally said yes). A couple of days later, I was out back playing with Terri-Anne, and Mum called me to the phone. I went into the kitchen, picked up the receiver from its cradle, and it was Glen again saying, "Remember when I called you the other day?" I said yes. He said, "Well, I was just kidding, okay? Forget about it, all right?" I said no problem and went back outside. No sooner had the screen door slammed behind me than my Mum came marching out, saying, "Who was that on the phone, Krista?" 

"What? No one, Mum." I was so embarrassed in front of Terri-Anne -- I wouldn't have confessed the details of this phone call to her, never mind my mother.

"Tell me who that was, Krista, and what they were 'kidding' about."

Mum was listening in on the extension? "It was nothing, okay?"

"Well, if that was Becky asking you to go sleep over at her house, you can just call her back and say the answer is no." And she stormed back into the house.

So, Mum was listening, but she thought that Glen was Becky? And even though I had a friend over, she thought I was on the edge of asking to go out to her house at Musselman's Lake? It was all so irrational and embarrassing, but at least I didn't have to talk about the whole humiliating boyfriend/girlfriend business. I know my Mum looked down her nose at Becky and her family, and sure, Becky was probably the only friend I had whose family had less money than mine (and, therefore, the only one Mum could feel superior to?), but she didn't even know all the reasons why she should have kept me away from there (or maybe she did?). I want to add here that for a brief spell, Terri-Anne, Becky and I were a tight trio (maybe grade 4?). Like I said last week, Terri-Anne's Dad owned a radiator repair shop and he offered to make us totems: like dog tags that he would fashion out of sheet metal and use letter punches to write our group name on. We didn't have a group name and I wanted it to be something girly like "The Three Mascaras" or similar, and thankfully, that was shot down. He eventually made us "The 3 Tomboys" and I loved that solid symbol of our friendship; would hold it in the palm of my hand and run my thumb over the indented letters; I wish I still had it around. I'm trying hard to remember if Terri-Anne and Becky ever hung out without me (I doubt it) or if they ever were at each others' houses (I seriously doubt that): because if Terri-Anne's parents thought she was slumming by hanging out with me, I can't even imagine what they thought of Becky.

Becky was a free spirit and the sort of influence that an uptight kid like me needed to have in small doses; I've always needed a friend around who might suddenly make me feel scandalised (even if I routinely fail any time I try to be that friend to someone else). After grade 8, Becky went to the local Stouffville High School while I was bussed off to the Catholic school and we never hung out together again. But I did see her one more time: When we were living in Lethbridge -- I was in grade 10 or 11 -- I saw Becky on TV. The low-budget Canadian show Live it Up! did a segment on high school kids who took care of eggs as a lesson in parenting, and there was Becky -- beautiful and electric -- cradling her egg and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. I was mesmerised and knew that I was missing out by no longer having Becky in my life.



Echo Beach, far away in time

Echo Beach, far away in time



Unfortunately, this washed-out picture is the only one I have of me and Becky:


And as an afterthought: Too bad it's so hard to find women on facebook -- Becky is unfindable by her maiden name, but I was able to find John Bernard and Bernard John. The little brother looks fit and happily married with a nice looking family and good job and John, seemingly doomed even as a little kid, looks like he's suffered through some hard living; posting about trying to get his license back and enjoying visits from his daughters. I can't imagine anyone from those old days ever thinks of me, but I do wish them all well.